Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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