I'm eating all of the evidence.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
