Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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