Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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