We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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