Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
