I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
