I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
