i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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