I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
