You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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