Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
