Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
