So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
