He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
