Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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