he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Oh god it's open bar.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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