he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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