She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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