Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
