Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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