And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
