in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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