How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
