I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The air was thick with penises
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
