I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
