That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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