i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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