You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
