Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
