i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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