If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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