My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
