Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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