this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You're like the curious george of whores
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
