i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
