got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
