If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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