i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Buhtt sex?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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