I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
