so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
