i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
