what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
