Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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