he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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