you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
