I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
