Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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