R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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