He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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