Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
