Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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